OPERATION PHANTOM THUNDER

July 31st - August 6th, 2021

Saturday July 31, 2021

Our second retreat this Summer - Operation Phantom Thunder starts off like many combat operations…. Chaos.  Our staff awakes early to text messages from participants of canceled flights and impending delays.  Weather coupled with various airline staffing issues means a significant number of participants will be delayed by as long as 48 hours.  As we spring into action, know that today is going to present challenges for both staff and participants.  Thankfully, we were able to set up the boat the night before and can concentrate our efforts on assisting our Veterans and trying to get them back on schedule. Unfortunately, one of the participants missed their flight and was unable to reschedule for several days which resulted in them not being able to attend.  Never the way we want the week to begin but we turned our focus to those arriving and welcomed to their new home for the next week, the mighty Morning Star!

As usual, the arrival of Veterans is a flood of emotions.  Excitement, apprehension, nervousness, and a lack of sleep from travel means staff need to help everyone through the onboarding process and keep everyone as focused as possible.  We do all we can to make everyone feel welcomed and at ease as many are traveling for the first time without a family member with them.  For some, this will be their first time out of the country since they were last deployed.  We quickly settle everyone into a routine and prepare for our departure.

Before lines are tossed we once again address a couple of false truths with this group.  One is the idea that this program, or any program, can completely heal a Veteran.  We have talked about this before, but it is new for each group to hear it.  While most share common themes in their trauma, it is still unique to each individual and how they process those events.  While these men and women will receive more counseling in a week than many traditional programs offer in 6 months, we cannot return a Veteran to who they were before their trauma.  This program is meant to serve as a pivot point for an individual who is not satisfied with the status quo… for someone who is looking to change the trajectory of their life.  We are going to address hard concepts and difficult topics.  We may challenge their ideas and understanding of trauma.  But if they can have faith in our process and, if only for one week, be vulnerable enough to go all in, we promise them that their life can be changed.

As we complete crew and staff introductions, we find that several of our participants and staff served in the same units and deployed together but didn’t know one another, more tangible evidence of God’s hand in bringing us together. We depart Nassau harbor for the crossing of the Yellow Bank and get our first dive in before we head towards the Exuma Cays.   Chaps prays for the group’s success this week, for a safe week at sea, and for those still in harm’s way in distant lands.  We are blessed to once again be sharing this amazing place where real healing can begin.

Sunday August 1, 2021

Today is sunny and beautiful with just a hint of clouds. The meals were delicious, chicken parmesan, roast beef, salads, oh my!  Our first sets of dives were all new experiences for so many of us.  We were able to dive on a famous plane wreck and a couple beautiful reef systems that were vibrant and healthy.  I also saw marine life up close that I’ve only ever seen at an aquarium - triggerfish, sea anemones, stingrays and so much more.  We also had our first night dive on the retreat and for nearly everyone, our first night dives ever.

We conducted a transition dive in order to help all the new divers and alleviate some anxiety.  We entered at dusk with some light but within 20 minutes it was completely dark.  As the darkness settled in, the anxiety built a little and I became hypervigilant.  It seemed so perfect that we talked about having a trigger action plan. I know that anxiety can be managed if I have an action plan in place. I need to know when to step back and not over push to meet the expectations of what I think others want. I know that I have a few areas that need work, fine tuning and refinement.

At mid-day, we visited iguana island where hundreds of red rock iguanas came running out to meet us and get their snack of grapes and lettuce.  It was a blast watching Veterans lay in the sand and having the iguanas run over them to get their snacks.  Today also saw the gift of a new brother in Christ as one of our own was baptised in the beautiful blue waters of the Bahamas. What a joy it was to be surrounded by our brothers and sisters and hear them celebrate as he gave his life to his Lord and Savior, a day I will not soon forget. Going forward I will remember that at the end of the day I am responsible for my mental health and well-being.  I accept that even though I can’t control everything I need to have a plan for my escape if triggered. Time heals all and having an outlet helps.

Monday August 2, 2021

Cloudy and a little cooler this morning but a nice break from the warm sun. The food today was amazing as it has been since we stepped onboard.  The things that come out of that tiny kitchen are unbelievable.  Our group is starting to connect on deeper levels already and individuals are not afraid to share, they are not afraid to be vulnerable and it is helping the entire group.  We are realizing that our struggles are not unique and that we can turn to one another in times of need.

Today’s diving was epic.  This program allows for so many “firsts” - today it was my first drift dive.  We jump into the water one right after another like an airborne operation and let the current take us across the reef.  You don’t truly understand the power of water until you are in a current strong enough to carry you away regardless of how strong of a swimmer you are.  The reefs with a drift dive are also some of the most vibrant ecosystems we have seen.  So many healthy nutrients getting washed over them each day means they thrive.

During our break, the staff of DSV introduced us to “Slippery Salmon” in which an individual runs off the side of the boat with their arms at their sides and flails like a salmon that slipped out of the hands of a fisherman back into the water.  Sounds ridiculous…. honestly it is ridiculous… but when you see it in person, then on video and with pictures of these moments… you can't help but laugh.  This isn’t a cheesy laugh either - this is the laughter that brings you to tears and causes you to cramp up.  I have never seen so many serious people relax and let go.  Today was a blessing in so many ways.

The topics of our sessions are becoming more serious but also more pertinent.  I learned that I am not alone in my feelings and that God is with me and His love is great!! I want to make more memories with my family and keep moving forward to be a righteous man. I need to stop being stuck in the past and live day by day. I need to live in the moment and stop getting in the way of my own happiness.  Today I felt accomplished, proud, and confident. I saw a group of outstanding new divers that had gained new confidence and I experienced the joy of the healing so many Veterans have had thanks to this group. I have to make myself remember daily that I can stay on the right path and start to live my life with more of a stand that I matter and deserve happiness. It’s never too late to write the next chapter in your story. 

Tuesday August 3, 2021

Today was hard - I felt a variety of emotions that I haven’t felt in a very long time.  As the staff would say - emotions are good, they remind us that we are human but we can’t allow them to dictate our lives.  Rather, emotions are a response to our lives being lived.  It is up to us to steer the ship, adjust our course, and set sail.  Throughout the day, even with these struggles, I bonded with a group of people that were strangers a few days ago, and felt the camaraderie I have been missing.

The diving today was so much fun.  The crew prepared a shark feeding and while most were a little nervous, the staff put our minds at ease with their experience.  Their excitement is almost infectious and soon we all wanted to get into the water.  Surprisingly, I felt free and not stressed once the feeding started.   About 10 minutes into the feed a nurse shark swims right over my knee and catches me off guard. I look to my left and see Chris pumping his fist up and down with joy for what he is seeing and it gives me a brighter outlook on today. It’s amazing how seeing other people happy helps me be happy, and I love it.  I learned that fear is just a feeling not something that needs to hold us back. After the shark feeding we were able to hunt for freshly lost shark teeth which a lot were found even though they blend in perfectly with the sand.  I assumed the sharks would promptly leave once the feeding was over but they stayed around for the entire dive.  Gracefully swimming around us and allowing us to be in their environment.  I have a whole new level of respect for these creatures and a new found love of the ocean.

The night dives tonight were epic.  We saw three octopus tonight which is rare given how territorial they can be.  There have been retreats where they don’t see a single one and we have seen 5 so far.  The night dive was also more peaceful than I thought.  Maybe we are becoming more confident in our abilities, or maybe there is something special about this place. Today’s counseling sessions bring me to tears.  Josh and Neysa discuss relationships and I see many of their struggles in my own life but clearly I did not have the guidance they did.  The lessons they have learned and are passing onto us is important.  These are lessons that I can use to ensure I am successful in my future relationships whether they be with a future partner or with family.  Trauma impacts us all uniquely but we don’t need to be victims to that trauma.  We have survived and can thrive with the right tools.

Thursday August 5, 2021

Today’s weather was Caribbean bliss and it was made even better by the peace, joy, and camaraderie I experienced. I felt loved, appreciated, and affirmed.  It has been many years since I have felt these sorts of emotions.  I can’t believe it took me risking traveling across the country to have this experience but I am so happy I took that risk.  This is the first time I have left the United States since my deployments and the first time in nearly 10 years I have travelled without my wife - my caregiver.

We saw everything on the dives: sharks, turtles, sting rays, and so many different types of fish. The Exumas is what everyone wishes a big city aquarium could be - so much vibrant life and it is the best reminder that there are beautiful parts of this world even with all of the chaos and war we have seen.  The Lost Blue Hole outside of Nassau is incredible.  Imagine a cylinder in the ocean floor falling out and a giant hole waiting to be explored.  I couldn’t have done the dive without Neysa guiding me.

Today is also a bittersweet day.  This is the last day we will all be together and tomorrow we return to the normal world.  However, we come home with a new sense of hope and purpose.  I will use this experience to ground myself in times of turmoil and use the tools that each person so graciously gave to push forward.  I need to remind myself that everyone has a story and we all have multiple chapters. Continue to have compassion and show others grace like I’ve been shown and want to be shown. Keep going, doing the next right thing, and spreading joy, empathy and understanding. These will all continue to pay it forward and cause a ripple effect of joy and positivity. This has completely refilled my cup and I am forever grateful for this opportunity and life-changing experience. 

This is an amazing and inspirational program and we are all blessed to learn and grow from these experiences. We cap the night off by being vulnerable in front of the boat’s crew - all civilians, no Veterans.  We answer tough questions and invite them into our world which would normally make me cringe… but this is different.  This was connecting with an amazing group of people that I consider to be family.  Thank you!  To the staff of DSV - THANK YOU - You are all an inspiration and a living testimony to the hope and opportunity that awaits all Veterans!